Tap Into Empowerment

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EFT and The First Regret of the Dying

And here’s the last post in my first mini-series of blogs 🙂 The last of my five, but first and most common, regret of the dying, as told by Bronnie Ware….

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”

I love this one, not because it’s the most common regret but because it strikes so close to home for me. One thing people in my life have always said about me, from acquaintances to closer friends, peers and classmates to boyfriends and family, is that I’m genuine. You may get some BS from me, but you get it with a smile or a laugh so you know I’m joking with you. You may not like the point I’m making but I’m not trying in any way to manipulate anyone into anything. And I may just not have the filter I should have but I say things that make people laugh even when I’m not trying to be funny or it’s an issue that might be a bit sensitive. But with all that said, I still feel like two people sometimes, like I’m not entirely sure what I should be doing for myself, just what I should be doing for others. Like the person I was born as is in competition with the person I became because life beat me down from day one and I reacted as best I could.

So many people are bombarded with the expectations of others around them, it’s easy to become confused. It’s also easy to lose sight of what we wanted to do when we were young and looked at the world as a place of possibility, where we could each do anything we wanted to do. Our parents have dreams for us, our teachers do too, and they all impart their own opinions (in various ways of course) about what we’re capable of doing. And if they’re like me, survival was the permanent mode, whether it was shut down and just keep breathing or get up swinging until they left us alone, it was still just survival, not learning to live, love, be happy. It wasn’t learning what makes us happy, what we’re good at doing, or believing that we could do that.

Then we settle. We do what we need to do, what’s expected of us, what we feel we must do. Everyone should’s all over themselves and others, so we choose to go with what we think we have to do. We choose it. And that brings another level to the issue. First is that we don’t live our most authentic, genuine lives and second is that we struggle to face and accept that we made those choices so we’d end up exactly where we are right now. Dying just makes people think about it more – brought the issues to be published in this book. Then there’s me, trying to learn from things before that point, to be that person who’s present and content in life, not complacent, but happy. So I look for ways to make that happen now, rather than later.

Enter EFT. This amazing acupressure technique that I take everywhere I go, even with me when nothing else is. This tool that helps me break down the crap from the past as well as the stuff that’s thrown at me every day. It helps me stop and remind myself that I don’t need to do something I don’t want to do, to examine why and when I do those things so I can stop them, to make better decisions that I’ll be happy with. It helps me see the issue more clearly, to resolve the junk I know has been in my way for more years than I care to admit. It allows me to lower my anxiety about life and troubles, to sleep better at night. It helps me feel less tired, lighter, more focused and driven so I’m not sneaking a nap into every afternoon or lazing around then mentally beating myself up for my slacker ways.

I use it when I’m irrationally angry about something someone else did, that I can’t change, and I won’t address because they just don’t get it – we’ve been there, done that, and the fight is never one but trust me, it’s a fight. But instead of carrying that with me, instead of letting them win by holding on to that anger and upset, I use EFT to take the energetic disruption out of the equation. Yes, that just happened, yes I know I was fit to be tied and probably would have liked to land a good punch on that stupid face, but I’m not upset or angry anymore. It’s funny that I imagined a punch I’ve never in my life thrown. It’s still a disrespectful, thoughtless, stupid thing that was done, but now I don’t have that upset adding to my day or to my next interactions with that person. I won’t be expecting the bad and getting it through pure law of attraction now.

But more importantly, I’m being myself. I’m letting that person out who I feel I was born as. That happy, cheerful person, someone who feels good both about life and the person she is. Holding those negative emotions makes me sarcastic, quick to temper, lack boundaries so I talk to everyone who’ll listen, or to constantly be focused on those things. They weigh us down, which is exhausting. Who wants to be around that? So people leave and then we’ve added insult to our own injury because we’re lonely with no one to blame but ourselves. EFT could be preventing all of these things with a 30 second basic recipe children can use easily.

Maybe you don’t feel like you’re not the person you were born to be, or don’t believe in that type of thing anyways. I’d be the first to argue nurture can be just as important as nature, but when I see who my son is, I recognize myself in a lot of ways whether I feel I am that way now or not, and I know it’s because I couldn’t be that person or I’d have been hurt, I wouldn’t have survived. So that’s not on my list of regrets, because I did what I had to in order to be here today, teaching my son. Yet I know there was a part of me missing, a part that prevented an authentic life, and that EFT has helped me take my power back, to be more myself with each passing day as I shed fears, expectations, limiting beliefs, hurt, and anger, sadness and weight.

EFT is the tool that can help you live an authentic life, to truly tap into your own power. That is why I’ve chosen Tap Into Empowerment and UnTapU as business name and website, etc. An empowered self is an authentic self, and the definition of insanity, from Einstein himself, is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Other things work, and that’s great. But sometimes they don’t work and something else is needed unless the plan is to keep doing that over and over. I chose to get off the insanity treadmill (though my body might need one for real!) and use EFT for my own empowerment. That’s one ride that’s not going to stop!

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The Second Regret of the Dying

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And the regrets keep coming….

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

Our generation has taken this work thing to a new level – and women are just as guilty of it now as men. Work doesn’t leave us alone and we don’t let it either. We invent and become addicted to computers, laptops, tablets, smart phones. We conference phone calls and now use video conferencing. Our children are even taught with this technology. Information, requests, demands – they’re all sent instantly and a reply or compliance is expected just as quickly.

So with this new, improved, faster paced work world (and yes, admittedly, our play world too but who’s complaining about that!), even time off gets invaded by work. Personally, I try to keep them separate. I remind myself that I’m on vacation and that while yes, the families I work with outside of UnTapU are in crisis, I need to take time to myself, that’s why there are three of us on a team! No set hours makes it difficult, because there is no office to clock in at, nor to even complete work at. Work with the families, do your research, phone calls, paperwork and such at home or wherever else you choose, but also whenever you choose as long as it meets the deadline. The phone is a distraction – my son doesn’t A) need to learn the habit of always being on a device, B) need to learn to be so rude to people, to not be present and value relationships, and C) need to see/hear the way work often affects me (I admit it, I want to throw the phone sometimes, a curse will slip out, or he’ll hear about how stupid people are before I stop myself).

This regret hits on some things that EFT can help us with. One thing is priorities, which I talked about before. Let’s get clear about what is important to us, then look at what we are doing with work. Hiding from something, someone? Avoiding, distracting ourselves? Is money an issue? Fear of failure? Fear of letting someone down (this isn’t just limited to a boss, manager, supervisor, this also includes parents, mentors, significant others, even kids)?

If we’re avoiding something by working so much, use EFT to face that person or thing, tap down those fears and the experiences that added up to the use of work as an avoidance technique. If it’s money, let’s explore the ideas we’ve grown up with about money, those limiting beliefs that have us chasing our own tails, running that treadmill, sweating our proverbial butts off, giving ourselves ulcers and other stress related diseases, and letting valuable relationships fall apart, missing important life events, while we’re too busy at work. EFT shifting those beliefs allows us to make different choices, use our money better, be open to more lucrative options available to us, and before long, the money is coming in and more time can be available for things other than work.

I tend to focus on relationships being a regrettable loss from working too much, but if I were to think of the things I’d put on my Bucket List, what I’d like to do, where I want to go, what I want to see and hear, accomplishments I’d want to list, and people I’d like to meet, I know that working too much can interfere with all of that. And working too much can also cause physical health issues, mental health issues. Stress related diseases and disorders are rampant! Sleeping problems, headaches, aches and pains, stomach issues, even heart disease and more, all things that are not only related to work stresses, but interfere with our quality of life both in and out of work. How we miss out on the good things because we’re hurting or too stressed to enjoy them! Such a shame!

But guess what can help decrease those things? That’s right! EFT. Reduce the stress – with the physical symptoms that come along with it – through tapping with EFT. That’s for both current stressors and for those previous experiences that we still carry with us. Boss is incompetent, often losing things you worked hard on and it’s getting more frustrating every time? Tap down that anger and frustration, tap about the first time you remember feeling so damn frustrated with them and the first time you ever felt that way. Then follow the memories that pop up after. Follow your Basic Recipe, Be Specific, and Check in on the intensity with your SUDS scale.

I’ve also talked about fear before in other blogs about the regrets of the dying. The fear that we might let someone down leading us to work so much, that can also be addressed with EFT. I believe fears like that come back to self esteem in a big way, and fear of rejection because somewhere along the way we learned that nothing we do is ever good enough, and we learn what our roles are in life – breaking out of them is unthinkable albeit desirable at times. When we tried and failed at something it only added to that fear, those self esteem issues. And EFT can most certainly help, by tapping down all those experiences, those memories, those movies that play in our minds when we think about times we felt not good enough, worthless, like a failure, etc. Even the ones we remember but think they aren’t upsetting anymore, they all get added to our list and we take the time to tap down the intensity of those memories so they carry no weight.

Tapping using EFT helps us lighten our burdens, unpacking some of the baggage we all carry. Sometimes I remember times I felt so heavy, so tired of it all. Not suicidal mind you, but just heavy. Heavy and tired, with no end in sight. Had I known about EFT back then, man oh man, I’d be a different person now! I imagine that along the way, with previous self-work, I’ve been slowly unpacking that baggage, but never as quickly and efficiently (or as truly effortlessly in an emotional sense) as with my own tapping experience using EFT.

So now we’ve journeyed together through all but the final, and first, regret of the dying. And so far, we’ve seen that EFT can help with all those things. Can’t wait to address the First Regret of the Dying…and then on to discuss more of my own personal work with EFT, work with clients using EFT, and busting out some quality rants about the frustrations of starting my own business to help other’s with EFT – and adding a mountain of stress to my own life to do it! Stay with me, join me for the first time, and check out UnTapU at https://tapintoempowerment.us  for more info on EFT, links to great resources, or to book an appointment for your own foray into a lighter existence!

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The Third Regret of the Dying

I got a little busy (Ironically, that directly relates to the second regret of the dying), but…

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

I can’t even begin to explain how many times I’ve thought this – or that someone else would just spit it out, say what they mean and leave it at that! We see it in movies, in books, on tv shows. If only he’d told her how he felt! Why didn’t she just explain what happened? We don’t say what we mean, and God forbid we tell someone how we feel!

Of course, EFT can help us overcome our fears, so if there’s something we are afraid to say to someone but need to say it, tapping on those acupressure points can help immensely to overcome the fear, doubt or anxiety that is getting in the way.

But if it’s a problem we often have, not telling people how we feel? For one thing, it can lead us to lie about things, stressing our relationships. It may hurt the person in the short run, and it may be difficult to say to them for us, yet it’s the best course of action in the long run. And we just don’t feel good about ourselves when we don’t tell the truth about how we feel. Plus, we don’t always just hide our feelings from other people, we hide our feelings from ourselves! Brilliant, eh? (That’s my near Canada upbringing coming out right there…)

It just doesn’t have to be that way. EFT can help us ask ourselves the tough questions like what’s stopping us from admitting our feelings, what might happen if we do and we don’t get what we want, or what we want to happen. Use this amazing technique to tap away the fear that comes along with facing these things. Fear of rejection is huge here! Not just for the situation we might be facing but also past situations that have led us to have that crippling fear in the first place. When we get rejected, the pain of that rejection can stay with us and continued experiences with it can make us want to totally avoid even the more remote possibility of feeling that pain again!

Use EFT to resolve those past experiences, deleting the energy disruption that comes with the upset and hurt we feel from things that happen like rejections. As those situations are tapped on and the disruptions in our energy system dissolve, so too will that fear of rejection. Walk a little taller, put ourselves out there, and be honest about our feelings so we can live a more authentic, genuine, happy existence.

Let EFT be that tool that’s pulled out for all occasions, the tool that lets us avoid the regrets facing so many of the dying!

To learn more about EFT and book an appointment, check out UnTapU at https://tapintoempowerment.us

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Fourth Regret of the Dying

Couple Playing on a Swing

And so we continue:

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

We just don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone do we? Seems most of us don’t because we do this a lot of the time. We let life happen, pass us by, and then realize too late that it wasn’t what we wanted – and the people in our lives are a huge part of our happiness.

Honestly, I struggled at first wondering how in the world EFT would help someone to not let a great friendship slip away. I know using EFT would help assuage the guilt and regret someone would feel over this happening, and the feelings of loss and pain that would accompany the knowledge that a wonderful friendship was gone, with no way to make it right. But I want to help us AVOID these top regrets of the dying, not just accept the emotion of it all!

Then it hit me. EFT must be at work throughout our lives, to combat the very things that cause us to allow our most valued relationships to die off. Sometimes a clear falling out is to blame, so there’s hurt and ager to tap on, but often the reasons are more difficult to pinpoint and therefore learn how to avoid.

So let’s see. We get busy, forget things, don’t have time, and put other things ahead of our relationships. How can EFT help us handle that? It can help by allowing us to let go of things that aren’t a priority – after helping us clarify our priorities! (Note: If it isn’t important to you that such value is placed on friendships or any relationships, no worries, this isn’t a regret you’ll have, but getting clear about that priority and you can still use it to let go of the things that aren’t).

Maybe Mom kept an immaculate house, telling you that even though we weren’t going to be in it for a week, it had to be clean because, well what if we were robbed or something? God forbid the people tracking dirt in and out of our house to rob us blind could criticize the housekeeping! But we got the message: The house must not only be clean, but neat and free of clutter, everything in it’s place. So we clean and straighten and end up missing out on family time, losing time out with friends or catching up on the phone with your best friend who knew your first boyfriend and was the first to know about your first kiss. What emotions lead us to prioritize cleaning over relationships? Fear mostly.

Fear leads us to should all over ourselves and fail to evaluate our own priorities. “I should get these dishes done, vacuum the house, put these clothes away, etc” and on and on the list could go. We’re afraid of what our mother’s would say if they saw this mess, what other people would think or say because we learned to think that way. So the cleaning gets done while your best friend has to leave a voice mail, and you think, I’ll call her back when I get a minute. And then you’re too exhausted – or she can’t answer if or when you do call back.

So use EFT to get clarity on your priorities, then to let go, to handle the emotions behind all the “shoulding” we are all guilty of. Ask yourself what would happen if you put that relationship before these other things, what could go wrong for you if you didn’t do that, and use EFT to resolve it.

I don’t know about any of you, but I do know that relationships are what I value above everything else. The cleaning can wait, work can wait, and all the tech that prevents us from really connecting, that can wait too. People come first, and the ones closest to me are at the top of the list. My best friends – my sisters — can call me any time, day or night, and if I hear it I will answer or call back quickly, and the only reason I would not do so is because of the one relationship I value over all others, and that is the relationship I have with my son. The world, my world, is run by the quality of the relationships I have, and I know EFT can help me be the best I can be in order to have relationships I can treasure until I die – without regret.

Our relationships bring us strength, that’s true empowerment.
“Follow your Bliss and the Universe will open doors for you.” Joseph Campbell

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