And so we continue:
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
We just don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone do we? Seems most of us don’t because we do this a lot of the time. We let life happen, pass us by, and then realize too late that it wasn’t what we wanted – and the people in our lives are a huge part of our happiness.
Honestly, I struggled at first wondering how in the world EFT would help someone to not let a great friendship slip away. I know using EFT would help assuage the guilt and regret someone would feel over this happening, and the feelings of loss and pain that would accompany the knowledge that a wonderful friendship was gone, with no way to make it right. But I want to help us AVOID these top regrets of the dying, not just accept the emotion of it all!
Then it hit me. EFT must be at work throughout our lives, to combat the very things that cause us to allow our most valued relationships to die off. Sometimes a clear falling out is to blame, so there’s hurt and ager to tap on, but often the reasons are more difficult to pinpoint and therefore learn how to avoid.
So let’s see. We get busy, forget things, don’t have time, and put other things ahead of our relationships. How can EFT help us handle that? It can help by allowing us to let go of things that aren’t a priority – after helping us clarify our priorities! (Note: If it isn’t important to you that such value is placed on friendships or any relationships, no worries, this isn’t a regret you’ll have, but getting clear about that priority and you can still use it to let go of the things that aren’t).
Maybe Mom kept an immaculate house, telling you that even though we weren’t going to be in it for a week, it had to be clean because, well what if we were robbed or something? God forbid the people tracking dirt in and out of our house to rob us blind could criticize the housekeeping! But we got the message: The house must not only be clean, but neat and free of clutter, everything in it’s place. So we clean and straighten and end up missing out on family time, losing time out with friends or catching up on the phone with your best friend who knew your first boyfriend and was the first to know about your first kiss. What emotions lead us to prioritize cleaning over relationships? Fear mostly.
Fear leads us to should all over ourselves and fail to evaluate our own priorities. “I should get these dishes done, vacuum the house, put these clothes away, etc” and on and on the list could go. We’re afraid of what our mother’s would say if they saw this mess, what other people would think or say because we learned to think that way. So the cleaning gets done while your best friend has to leave a voice mail, and you think, I’ll call her back when I get a minute. And then you’re too exhausted – or she can’t answer if or when you do call back.
So use EFT to get clarity on your priorities, then to let go, to handle the emotions behind all the “shoulding” we are all guilty of. Ask yourself what would happen if you put that relationship before these other things, what could go wrong for you if you didn’t do that, and use EFT to resolve it.
I don’t know about any of you, but I do know that relationships are what I value above everything else. The cleaning can wait, work can wait, and all the tech that prevents us from really connecting, that can wait too. People come first, and the ones closest to me are at the top of the list. My best friends – my sisters — can call me any time, day or night, and if I hear it I will answer or call back quickly, and the only reason I would not do so is because of the one relationship I value over all others, and that is the relationship I have with my son. The world, my world, is run by the quality of the relationships I have, and I know EFT can help me be the best I can be in order to have relationships I can treasure until I die – without regret.
Our relationships bring us strength, that’s true empowerment.
“Follow your Bliss and the Universe will open doors for you.” Joseph Campbell
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